When you go out into the world and talk to people about sexuality and gender identity you will quickly run into the fact that most people assume that you are born with a body that has a certain shape and that shape determines what behaviors are appropriate for you. You, Miss, you were born with a vagina and therefore you must accept that your body will never be entirely your own, that you’ll always make less money than your male counterparts, and that you will be the one primarily responsible for the care of your home. You, Sir, you were born with a penis and therefore will face a constant barrage of humiliation from men older than you. You will be assumed to be driven, rapacious, and priapic. This seems so ridiculous laid out in words like that.
For me, to be Queer means to be someone who questions and plays with the roles I’m assumed to have because of the shape of my body. It’s a sexual orientation, a political stance, a religious opinion, and a way of being in the world. It reflects the kind of sex I like, how many people I like to have that sex with, and in what combinations. And, it reflects my assertion that I have a right to choose the place I inhabit on all of those axes.
It’s a big, scary word. But that’s ok because it reflects a big, scary concept. You have the right to choose messy complexity over simple reductionism. Nothing about your physical self should dictate the quality of who you are. Not the color of your skin. Not the number or functioning of your limbs. Not the shape of your genitals. Nothing about what you were as a baby should dictate the place you carve out in the world.
Queer isn’t about orientation. It’s not about the sex you are or the sex you’re attracted to. Queer people are straight. Queer people are bisexual. Queer people are lesbian and gay. Queer people are cis- or trans-gendered. What makes Queer people Queer is just and only that they have chosen to be.